August 6, 2008

Another of my favorite teachers is Pema Chodron...a buddhist nun and a genuine human being and a great writer.  I have real respect for those who speak and live authentically.  Pema Chodron strikes me as a wise and real spiritual teacher.  One of favorite teachings is about the four noble truths...now whether you embrace buddhist ideas or christian ideas or metaphysical ideas or whatever...there is a core set of truths that run through all of them and these four tidbits resonate for me as some of those truths...

1)  it's part of being human to feel discomfort...this doesn't mean that we HAVE To be "miserable"  but it is part of the ebb and flow of our lives and it allows us to get clarity about what we desire and where, perhaps, we could take some action

2)  resistance is the fundamental operating mechanism of what we call ego...basically resisting life causes suffering...I have also found this to be true.  As Byron Katie says, you can argue with reality just be prepared to lose 100% of the time. And as one of my great teachers taught me...all suffering comes from wishing things were different...a good one!

3)  Suffering ceases when we let go of trying to maintain the huge ME at any cost.  And for me, the huge me can be needing to be right, trying to control conditions, arguing with reality, hanging on to stories that no longer serve me...etc.  This is the lesson of LETTING GO! 

4)  We're part of the energy that creates everything...here we get to explore the false idea of separateness and we get to feel what it is to be connected...If you want to see this in action, watch the dog whisperer...I'm serious...he gets it and you can watch his pack of animals and those in distress whom he helps how his energy is read and instantly impacts the animal...we are no different.

There's alot to play with here...choose one that resonates for you and see how the truth rolls around in your experience today...how does resistance play out in your life?  Where can you let go?  When do you experience connectedness?  Have fun with it above all...lightness helps us learn!

August 5, 2008

One of my favorite teachers is Ram Dass...He has dedicated his life to siritual growth and to service.   He has given many wonderful lectures over the years sharing his experience of moving towards greater peace, happiness and ease in his life.  My favorite lecture, though, is one in which he reminds us of our humanity.  He tells a story of how even after years of meditation and study in spiritual teachings he walked out into the world and all of his neurosis showed up in less time than it took him to blink his eyes...the difference....he was present to watch them rise and fall away.   He said something like...even after all these years I've never lost a single neurosis I've just learned to live with them better.   What a relief that was for me!   It is my experience that so many of us are trying to rid ourselves of things and this isn't going to happen...we may get them to the place of being inconsequential but "it" is a part of us and an important part for it has taught us much about our lives and what we need.   Isn't it a relief to know that we can move to gentleness with all our foibles and that we can learn to laugh even as they arise...here I go again trying to run the world...okay let's try something new.   It begins and ends with awareness, acceptance, and letting go. 

August 4, 2008

Last night I went with a beautiful friend to see Mama Mia!  If you haven't already seen this movie...I consider it a "must see".  At times during the movie the audience was clapping and cheering in response to the music and the dancing.  Meryl Streep is beautiful and amazing.  So why write about it here?  Well, what I love most and what I think this movie speaks to is DREAMS!  What do we want for our lives and what are we willing to do to make it happen?  I have this dream of my own beautiful studio for people to come to...a place where we can create together and learn together and grow together.  I have this space right in the back part of my lot...so what's keeping me?  Like Donna, in the movie, she accepted where she was and told the story of being okay with it.  She is powerful and strong in that belief...BUT as soon as love presents itself...well, not much stays the same. 

SO...what are your dreams?  Write them down!  Now choose one that you want and make a plan...do you need to save some money?  Do you need to ask for help?  Do you need to get some education?  Do you need to ???  Then, tell a friend and check in with him/her regularly to give updates on how you are progressing...Tell the story of how you dream it to be...For me,  I can see groups gathered here...sharing the stories of their lives, creating their stories using their words, colors, and movement.  I can feel the magic that comes from people gathering in sacred circle and I can feel the honor of being a part of all of it.  See how it works...Dare to dream AND go see Mama Mia!  Maybe even twice!

August 3, 2008

Friday night I had the pleasure of taking my daughter to one of those "Breaking Dawn" parties celebrating the release of the newest book in the very hot Twilight series.  Kendall (my daughter) was meeting a friend there for the festivities.  It was amazing to watch all these young people so passionate about this series of books.  I've read the first one and I fully understand the passion for them.  What was interesting was the conversation that I had with Kendall about the books?  We talked about how most author's have an intention or a purpose for writing the stories they write...they have something that they want to say.   I asked her what she thought Stephanie Meyer wanted us to learn...Her response, "She wants us to know that true love is possible".   Isn't it amazing?  All of us, whether very young or very old would do just about anything to feel and experience that wonderful sense of love.  

Where it gets tricky for most of us is when we sell ourselves for love...Byron Katie asks...what are you willing to do for love, appreciation and approval?   It is a great question.  Her point is that we are love so there can't be anything else...we have it.  It is in us.  It's all very interesting to reflect on...I guess for me, the most important lesson is this...in what ways am I loving me?  In what ways am I choosing me?  In what ways am I honoring me?  Inevitably, it all spreads to others...that is just the way it is...hmmmm.

August 2, 2008

Hello to all,  My several days turned in to much longer...but am thrilled to back here in this space reflecting on life and all of its goodness!

While I was gone I had the pleasure of reading a wonderful book by Anne Lamott.  The book is entitled, Grace (Eventually) and it is a delightful collection of essays on life and all its foibles and joys.  Lamott is an honest and real writer who is unafraid to lay her humanity out there for us to learn from.  I feel like she is a sister I was separated from at birth.  It is a powerful thing for a writer to create that kind of connection through their words.  PIck it up and read it...I highly recommend it. 

Here is a great quote by the Chogyam Trungpa to think about:

Everything is based on our own uptightness.  We could blame the organization; we could blame the government; we could blame the food; we could blame the highways; we could blame our own motorcars, our own clothes; we could blame an inifinite variety of things.  But it is we who are not letting go, not developing enough warmth and sympathy--which makes us problematic.  So we cannot blame anybody.

Hmmmm...where could you let go?  Think about this one for a while!

July 20, 2008

I will be out of town for several days...enjoy going back and reading through the archives...there is some great stuff there to think about.  Blessings, Caralyn

July 19, 2008

I just finished an amazing book entitled Crossing to Avalon by Jean Shinoda Bolen.  In this story, she describes her pilgrimage to several sacred sites in England, France and Scotland.  She weaves together beautiful connections of spirit, the feminine and mother earth.  I especially loe the way she finishes her book:

"The stories people tell have a way of taking care of them.  If stories come to you, care for them.  And learn to give them away where they are needed.  Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive"

I know this to be true...it is an amazing and powerful thing that happens when we come together in circle and listen to story.  Our stories connect us and teach us and guide us along the way.  This is why I have created the workshop, Women's stories, Women's Wisdom.  Our coming together to share these pieces of our lives have the power to transform us.

With whom do you share your stories?  How do you honor your stories?  What stories out there in the world resonate for you and what do they teach you along your way?

July 17, 2008

An amazing poem by one of my favorite writers, Mary Oliver

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old rug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations--

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

throught the sheets of cloud

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

July 16, 2008

In our busy hustle and bustle world we rarely take time to stop and just be!  I spend a lot of time with people simply asking if they take time each day to be still and quiet themselves.  If you look around you, you will see that we are continually bombarded with stimulus in every moment.  TV, radio, cell phone conversations, noise from the roads, advertisements, etc.  When do we take the time, even 5-10 minutes, to sit and be still?  Especially for women, we must take the time to go within.  Finding our inner voice, our inner authority is critical to our well-being.  It helps us to separate out what is our desire from the demands and influences of all that surrounds us.  How would it be if you took 5 minutes a day to simply declare good things over your life?  How would it be if you took 5 minutes to reach for the appreciation of a loved one?  These are not complicated or time intensive demands.  What keeps us from doing this for ourselves?  What if you took 10 days and committed to trying it?  See where it takes you, the results may surprise you!

July 15, 2008

What if you decided today to develop better relationships with those around you.  If you decided to reach out and help somebody else become successful...to build up, encourage, or improve the lives of at least three people.  What if you, on purpose, decided to find somebody that you could be good to today. What if you looked for ways to be a blessing to someone else...especially someone who couldn't repay you?  What if you decided to keep strife out of your home today?  What if you worked to be a peacemaker, not a troublemaker?  What if you decided to overlook minor matters and forgive quickly?  What if you chose to see the best in other people?  What if you looked for ways to appreciate your spouse, family members, friends and colleagues?  What if today you decided to make "relational deposits" in the lives of people around you giving compliments freely and seeking to uplift those you meet?

How might things be different for you today if you chose to do this?  Hmmmmm......

July 14, 2008

Honoring our cycles and rhythms...where do we honor our cycles and rhythms?  In the flow of a day, a week, a month...where do you find that you need time to pull within, to rest, to reach out, to play?  Have you ever had that experience of the big boon of energy that brings a period of productivity that feels so wonderful?  Have you felt the need to pull the covers up to your neck and languish in bed?  These are the inner rhythms of our energy that need to be honored and listened to.

How do you honor your energy flow?  Listen.

July 12, 2008

Well, yesterday was a rare treat and if you are a person who lives in San Diego, CA then there is something that you must see!!!!  Towards the end of our day we happened into the Natural History Museum in Balboa Park.  There was only an hour left before the museum closed but we decided to go in anyway.  We saw all the usual fossils and stuffed dead creatures...all the typical Natural History stuff and then we walked down to the "basement" where a new exhibit just opened up...SPIRITS IN STONE. 

www.sdnhm.org/exhibits/shona08/index.html

It was spectacular!!!  All of the stone sculpture is created by various artists in Zimbabwe.  The walls are lined with their beautiful, spirit filled faces and each piece is described with precise, spirit filled words.  You can feel the energy of the artwork and if I was a person in a position to purchase such things I would have bought many!

        Happiness Within                  Emerging Life Seed

It is always fascinating to me to observe the way that other cultures weave spirit into the flow of every moment of every day...I marvel at how we, so often, keep spirit relegated to a box called "church".  This exhibit demonstrates the way that spirit can flow gently into everything that we do...the breakfast we eat in the morning, the exercise we do during the day, or the chores we complete.  It is always there.  My sisters and I enjoyed reflecting on the philosophies of time and transformation and dreamtime...we loved seeing the appreciation and love for family.  If you can go, please go.  It is very special.  If you can't go click on the link above and there are many ways to view the work online...you lose some of the amazing energy but it is better than not seeing it! 

And on a more personal note, notice and connect with how spirit flows gently through our lives in every moment.  How might things be different for you if you took the time to feel and acknowledge its presence?  Aho!

    Spiral Time                          Reflection of my Ancestors

July 11, 2008

Today is the day I meet my sister and neice at the airport to take them on a day long celebration of my neice's arrival at "Sweet 16".  How many of us were welcomed into this time of our lives with a celebration that welcomed us  into the "fold of womanhood" and how might things have been different if we had been?  Three generations will be together today...Grandmother, Mother, Aunties, and Cousin to celebrate her arrival.  In native tradition it is called a Blessing Way...for us a celebration of her uniqueness as a young woman and a blessing for all that is to come in her life.

Each day we can do ceremony for ourselves in a very small way...Before you place your feet on the floor in the  morning, take a few minutes to remind yourself of the gifts you bring to your day, set your intention for your day and ask for a blessing from the universe.  Breathe deeply into the "mini-ceremony" and then begin...We don't have to wait until we hit 16 or 50 or whatever the number is...do it everyday and see how it changes your perspective.

Have a beautiful day!!!!

July 10, 2008

Short, sweet and simple:

The secret of life isn't in what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.          ~Norman Vincent Peale

July 9, 2008

Something I say often is, "There are no mistakes, only lessons."  I really mean it!  This one can be hard for us especially when we feel wronged by someone or by situations...what I have to remember is that everything unfolds exactly as it is supposed to and I just don't have the benefit of seeing it all from a broader perspective.

One of my favorites experiences happened while driving on the road from Taos, New Mexico to a friend's home just across the New Mexico-Colorado border.  My family was in the car.  It was dark...a dark like I had never felt before...it had weight that pushed against the car and created the feeling of needing to brace against it.  I held the steering wheel as if my life depended on it.  Occassionally, signs would warn of elk crossing the highway.  My husband slept in the seat beside me as did my children in the back and I nearly had a panic attack.  I couldn't see beyond my headlights.  My breathing became short and labored and I was truly frightened.  My mind began to race...would I have time to stop of an Elk stepped out in front of me?  Would I see the turn I needed to take?  What if I get lost?  My fear was apparently so palpable that my husband awoke and asked me if I was okay?...why in this situation do I always say "yes"?  Clearly, we made it safely to my friend's home but I was rattled.  I couldn't sleep for the adrenaline rushing through me so I did what I always do in this situation, I wrote.

What came to me was that driving in this dark only seeing what was in my headlights was just like life...I can only see so far.  I can engage my mind and allow that piece of lit up road to be consumed with worry and fear or I can enjoy it and trust in the truth that there is always more road ahead of me...I may not be able to see but it is there.  It is someone else's work to oversee that part of the road.  I also realized that not only did I want to see the whole road, I wanted a map to outline the entire journey so that I could refer to it with some frequency...ahhh, the lessons of trust.  This seemingly scary experience was scary only because I made it so.  Does that sound familiar?  For when all was said and done, I was fine.  My family was fine AND I got a great gift in looking at my life in a new way.

Most experiences, especially the tough ones, are like that.  I look back at the shameful decision I made at 20 and have the benefit of seeing the gifts of it now.  I look back at the sadness of growing up at 9 and 10 and feel the strength, spirit and persistance it created.  There really is no situation without a gift for you in its hands.  We just have to be ready to receive it and the lesson from the choices we make.  KInd of sweet, isn't it?

July 8, 2008

In one of my groups recently, I asked the question...What are you working on?  It's an important question because it doesn't imply that there is a problem and it doesn't ask you to dig up something "negative"...it just asks you to look at your life and notice what are you working on right now.

The answer could be anything...I am working on finding more joy in every day...I am working on getting through this project that is taking up so much time...I am working on my story about how I am suppposed to be in this world.

So, what are you working on right now?  Are you playing lightly with whatever it is or banging yourself around with a 100 pound bat?  For whatever it is, it is temporary...it is only a problem if you make it a problem...and your feelings are there every step of the way to help guide you through it.  Develop a friendly relationship with your feelings and you will move with greater ease through things. This relationship begins with:

awareness

connection with the sensations of the feeling

precise description

acceptance (no judgment or condemnation)

expression

Play with it and see where it takes you.  Blessings!

July 7, 2008

Pema Chodron is one of my favorite Buddhist writers and thinkers...while I wouldn't define myself as Buddhist, I have spent much time reading her wisdom.  She has a way of crystallizing important ideas and makes them real for me.

A favorite of mine is:

"We can gradually drop our ideal of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be."

And my interpretation of it:

And then we just be!

Can you feel the space that this idea creates?  I know I can!  How would we move through our days if we stopped trying to be something other than what we are.  Feel your way through this one!  It is a beauty!

July 5, 2008

I want to close the discussion this week with some concrete ways that I was able to transform all these feelings flowing through me. 

First...color, line and creation.  As you can see I am not an artist in the classic sense of the word but I use art to process and enjoy my life all the time!!!

The images here represent the ways in which I silenced my own voice and closed down my heart...how I placed greater value on the needs of others instead of asking:

How do I feel about what was just said?  What is my reaction to what he just did?

and then honoring that by assertively and respectively saying, "It isn't okay with me when you.... I expect more from you and more for me"

It explores the toxic consequences of silence for me and how my heart hurt because I did so.  It helped me to look at the age old story...Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil in a big way.  It also reminded me of the spirit that is present in every experience.

As you can tell, this artwork was important for me...it helped me give expression to my voice and reminds me everytime I look at it that I choose to live my life differently than I had.

Second...writing, writing, and more writing.  This piece is about honoring my feelings and creating a friendly relationship with them.  It begins with awareness, connecting with the sensations in my body created by the feeling, precision in describing the feelings, acceptance of the feelings (riding the wave) and expression of the feelings.  Do not underestimate the power of this!

Third, connecting with the power and gift of this experience!!!!!

I have learned the price I pay when I silence my song, when I sacrifice my truth in order to play nice.  Sometimes we need to NOT play nice...the price is too high.  I learned about my power and my need to honor the dominion within me...I choose who comes into my experience and how.    This is really important especially for women.  And finally, I got to look at a story that has run me for as long as I can remember walking the planet.  I feel a freedom in this new awareness and will begin the walk into choosing a new way of being.  It will take awareness, patience, persistence, and conscious decision to do something different.  And I will!

July 3, 2008

And so here I am in a relatively calm place at this point...I have allowed myself the full range of these dark feelings and now I do the work of honoring these places.  What exactly does that mean...well, I know the power of giving voice to my heart through writing and art and ceremony.  These are the place I go to find release.  I also support myself with reiki...I place my hands on my head and ask for guidance and insight and lessons to be learned.

Here it is...In this journey, all of it is exactly what I need.  I need this person in my life to help me know that my shadow is part of me and I need her.  I need the flavor of repulsion and anger in my life.  It helps me move into those places where I learn to say this is my boundary or to take action to better my life.  This is not victimhood but part of the fabric of my life.  Nothing bad has really happened here.  Yes, there has been pain but only for my own denial of my truth as I feel it.  As is always the case, whatever I am up against is about my story about it.  AND that story is good because it teaches me. 

And so I thank you for indulging me in exploring this particular story.  It is a good one filled with powerful lessons for me to learn and to practice.  It confirmed the power and need for creative expression as writing and color and line and shape and ceremony become the tools of alchemy.  It reminded me of trust that all that unfolds is exactly as it should be even when it doesn't feel like bliss.  My bliss this week was in repulsion...chew on that a while. 

My wish is that in some way this story helped others to view the fabric of their lives in a different light.  Aho!

July 2, 2008

The quote today at abraham-hicks is very appropo to this situation I am experiencing and sharing with you:

Nothing's More Important Than That I Feel Good. . .

Whenever you are feeling less than good, if you will stop and say, Nothing is more important than that I feel good—I want to find a reason now to feel good, you will find an improved thought.

Anytime you feel negative emotion, you are in the mode of resisting something that you want, and that resistance takes its toll on you. It takes its toll on your physical body, and it takes its toll on the amount of wonderful things that you are allowing to come into your experience.

--- Abraham

Now here is where this gets tricky...sometimes feeling good means having a good old fashioned hate fest to help you move to the next level.  Sometimes feeling good looks like revenge.  Sometimes feeling good looks like rage. Here's the rub...hanging on to it.  I've said this before...it's like doing laps in a swimming pool and you reach the end to do a flip turn...you touch and go...sometimes the touch is a little longer depending on the intensity of feeling.

Someone I love very much taught me... All suffering comes from wishing things were different than they are...

Byron Katie says, "You can argue with reality just be prepared to lose 100 percent of the time."

Here is the resistance...this person I am dealing with is an unpleasant, vengeful person (I know, I know...his higher self is all good and light but if a person doesn't know that or isn't trying to seek that...it manifests as yuck!)  I am wishing we could just play nice and get along.  I am hoping that by being polite enough it will disappear.  It hasn't!

So I must learn to set some boundaries.  I am learning about this from a great friend...She was giving me some powerful words to practice and in doing so, I realized that I cannot remember a time in my life when I have really said to someone, "I want nothing to do with you, get out of my space."  Ever.  This is a very interesting thing to learn.  What is my story about having to be nice?  What is my story about speaking forcefully to set a boundary?  I am not advocating the "soap opera" chew out...I am saying that there is a time to say, "Enough is enough and we are through here." 

Do you see how no matter what the situation there is something to learn?  This is a huge one for me and I am grateful for it!  More to come!

July 1, 2008

Now, I completely get that what I give my attention to I bring into my experience.  I also get that relief comes from moving up the emotional scale.  I also get that focusing on the positive and good in a person will bring more of that to you...And finally, I also understand that the more quickly I can move to solution the better my vibration will be.  I've successfully lived and created my life with these principles for years!

Having said all of that....in this situation, knowing all of this actually made my situation more difficult.  Surprised.,..so was I!  Here is the piece that is so important...WHERE YOU ARE IS WHERE YOU ARE!!!!  I cannot pretend to find something I appreciate about this person or find the gift in the situation when where I am is repulsion.  It isn't real and it doesn't help me to feel better...This is what Thich Nhat Hanh is talking about...take good care of your anger, your joy, your disgust.  The fine line I am walking right now is between taking care of it and feeding it.

There is an old Native American story in which a grandfather is sitting at the fire with his grandson and he proceeds to tell him that there is a great war raging inside his heart...one is full of rage and anger and hatred and the other is full of joy and love and peace.  The young boy with great interest and concern asks his grandfather...which one will win?

The grandfather replies the one that I feed.

Important story for me right now... I must live the difference between feelings rise, feelings wash away and feeding this sensation.  Feeding looks like gathering evidence of this person's repulsiveness or looking for opportunities to fuel my story by  rehashing it again and again...  Riding the feelings looks like repulsion comes up...ahhh here it is again, breathing into it, acknowledging it, riding it, breathing through it and then watching it wash away.  If I feel the need for action I must do so without acting out my feeling on another human being...I must go deeper.

Now if it doesn't rise and fall easily...there is more that I am trying and will let you know another day...Thank you!

June 30,2008

Today I begin my reflection on something quite personal to me...I do so only because  I think what I am learning and figuring out could help some of you out there.  So here goes...

I am currently connecting with and experiencing the flavors of repulsion, courage, and anger.  (See archives, June 12)  For those of us who are seekers of spiritual growth, it can often be really difficult to see ourselves with these strong "negative" emotions...I consider myself a person who reaches for and sees the best in people and I am currently interacting with someone for whom I feel absolute and complete disgust and repulsion...not very spiritually enlightened is it?  Well, I would beg to differ.  A dear friend helped me to see that the pain I felt about this had more to do with my betrayal and dishonor of my own repulsion than the fact that I had the feeling.  That perhaps what I needed to do (which is what I would teach my students) was honor the repulsion and the anger and the hatred and that through that I might actually find that the feelings diminished BUT that the diminishment isn't even really the goal.

And so I gave myself permission to dislike this person...to be disgusted by and angry towards this human being.  I ask for courage to honor my boundaries and to distance myself from this person and to speak my truth with honor when I must come into contact with them.  These are huge lessons...boundaries, self-respect, honoring of the shadow within, speaking one's truth without harm, and permission to be human. 

I am in the midst of all of this and I am going to indulge here a little bit this week to share with you where this takes me.   I will tell you here and now that the second that I allowed myself my repulsion and yes, hatred,  I felt the emotional release that comes with tears and the physical discomfort and emotional and mental discomfort disappeared immediately.  So, where do you need to honor your feelings?  Where are you betraying what you feel and what would the permission to just embrace the anger or the disgust or the whatever do for you?  I give you permission to feel it, to know that you are not a "bad" person because you feel as you do. More to come...

June 28, 2008

Blessings are everywhere...our grandmothers knew this better than anyone...I can remember hearing the words "count your blessings" repeatedly as a young person and today I want to take a moment to do just that.

I am blessed with people in my life who love and appreciate who I am

I am blesseed with a roof over my head and only the worries I create in my mind about our security

I am blessed with beauty of nature all around me...hummingbirds singing their songs to me and stone people giving their gifts and more

I am blessed with clients who allow me to walk with them for a while and who share my work and my name with others...it is an honor.

I am blessed with children who have hearts beyond their years

I am blessed with good health

I am blessed with laughter

I am blessed with great teachers all around me

I am blessed with the gift of story and all that it brings

I am blessed with the comfort and support of sisters who listen with love and compassion

I am blessed with support of the universe that provides continual guidance and always provides what I need.

Of course, there is more but for now I am complete and I just want you to think for a minute...How am I blessed?  Write it down and feel the surge of good feelings that comes with knowing the abundance that is yours!!!!

June 27, 2008

When you get up in the morning you have two choices-- either to be happy or to be unhappy.  Choose to be happy.  

-Norman Vincent Peale

Oversimplication, you may say...Choice is really powerful.  Roughly four years ago, I began with a simple affirmation that I wrote each day:

I choose to be in my life.

I choose to be in my marriage.

I choose to be a mother.

I choose to be me.

I wrote this every day for I cannot remember how long.  Remembering that we choose in every moment (even when we are seemingly choosing between the unchoosable) gives us power in our lives. 

"Yes but, this is a choice that is not a choice," some may say...maybe... sometimes the best you can do is to choose how you are going to respond.  I do, however, believe deeply that we do always have a choice we just have to be willing to deal with the consequences. 

Example:  I discovered yesterday that I made a mistake in ordering some items for my son's allstar team...my mistake impacted one player in particular.  I called him, made my apologies and said I would make it right (meaning I got the right thing and I paid for it)...Did I feel I had the choice not to order...well, technically, yes BUT in my mind it would have been the wrong thing to do so while I wasn't thrilled to be shelling out more money... I reminded myself that I choose to take responsibilty for my actions and I choose to clean this up.  Once I connected with those words, my sense of "victimhood" was gone and I felt good about making the situation right...Choose...and especially Choose Happiness!

June 26,2008

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of facilitating a mini-retreat for one of my consult sites.  Each time I do one of these workshops, I have the pleasure of learning so much!  The focus for this one was seemingly simple,  to help the group connect with each other, have some fun, and learn about the resources available to them within the team. 

And so we began with story...because this is the best place to start for me...a story about the gifts that we all bring to our lives.  As I finished the story and watched everyone nodding in understanding, I began to build our circle for the day using notecards they had each filled out listing at least 5 talents or gifts that they bring to their work and their life.  As I read out loud the gifts that we brought to the retreat that day, it was amazing to watch the group's nervousness soften and to see the relief in knowing that someone brought compassion and someone brought laughter and someone brought willingness to learn and try new things.  Believe me, we needed everyone of those talents that day.  There is an energy that is created in a group whether we know it or not and that energy is made of all that we bring to circle.  What do you want to bring?  Your laughter, your negativity, your curiosity, your stubborness?  The significance of this activity is that I asked them to consciously choose the gifts and talents they bring and then we built on those. 

It reminds me of the dog whisperer...who teaches dog owners all about how to use their energy to become pack leader.  He shows us how it has nothing to do with our words and everything to do with how we hold our energy...are you bringing calm assertive or insecure dominant?  are you in a hyper state or a state of calm awareness?  This is why one of my main principles is...energy matters...how we use it, hold it and put it out there in the world...

What are you putting out there?

June 25, 2008

A brief one today...to make up for my long windedness yesterday!

Great Quote:

Learning to live is learning to let go...Sogyal Rinpoche

Where can you let go?  Just notice today...where can you let go?

June 24, 2008

Last week or maybe the week before that I was writing about emotional essences...the idea that emotions are like flavors in cooking and at different times we need and want different flavors...sometimes intense, sometimes subtle.  Take a look for greater detail...here is where I'm going with this today...

Last night, my lovely monday night group met and our focus was on these essences.  I asked them to think about what is it about emotions that become problematic?  When is being angry a problem?  When is sorrow or serenity or fear an issue?

The discussion that resulted was quite brilliant and I want to share it here so that everyone gets to benefit from the amazing thinking they had.

Attachment became the key issue...meaning that whenever we get attached to the emotion that is when it is really a problem...otherwise, emotion comes up and it goes away (definately easier when the flavor the emotion is subtle).  We also talked about how we become the emotion...you know people like this who are their anger...it defines them, becomes their persona...they lose their range.  Another place that emotion can become problematic is when we act on it especially in an unchecked or unconscious way. And finally, resistance came up...when we try to push a feeling away without honoring it we find ourselves internalizing it and ultimately doing some not so healthy things to ourselves in the process...this is where people said they found themselves eating or drinking or shopping to deal with the suppressed feelings.

So next step...how do we take care of our emotions, give them voice in a healthy way?  We remembered from other classes that the flow goes like this:

event/situation arises  then

                   we apply judgment/story/meaning

                                   then we experience positive or negative

                                                                      emotion

Without the judgment the event just is (I know very 60's of me but true!!!!)  It is only in our application of meaning that we find emotion.  So emotion is really just an indicator of our thought, thought that we have applied to a situation or event or memory.

So now we have a choice  React or Respond...  We opted for responding with the following choices:

Go to a mental waiting room...love this...imagine a space in your mind where the feeling/thought can hang out to process it.  Decorate it anyway you choose...this buys you time.

Question it:  Is this thought or judgment that I am applying to the situation really true?  (Take a look at the work of Byron Katie to go deeply into this inquiry method)

Express it/Give it a  voice:  not to the person but in a different form...write it...rampages of anger, sorrow, etc are wonderful.  Draw it...not art!  just dump it using color, line, shape, images.  I keep an art journal for exactly this purpose.  It helps me connect with where I hold certain feelings in my body and it is incredibly cathartic.

Move it:  Find where it is in your body and allow it to release through physical movement...dance, yoga it...whatever helps that part to have its expression...When I spent a lot of time with 5,6 & & year old children I learned that almost unanimously they experience anger in their little clenched hands...they would look at them and say, "Caralyn it's right here and start swinging"  Perhaps this is why little children are so quick to hit.

Meditate:  maybe a strange suggestion when you're experiencing anger but really not...sitting quietly and allowing the feelings to rise and then giving them breath is tremendously effective.  Thich Nhat Hanh talks about caring for your anger or your sorrow like a mother would care for a child.  Cradle it, listen to it, give it breath and see what happens.

Ultimately, remember our emotions are just indicators...indicators that our thoughts have taken us someplace that is not in alignment with our best interests or higher truth.  And they also won't disappear without our caring for them.  Have fun with this!  It was a great conversation last night and I hope that you benefit from our work!  Have a beautiful day!

June 23, 2008

For the last several days, I've awakened with a song running through my head.  I can vividly hear Rascal Flatts singing My Wish.  It's a beautiful song with the following lyric in the chorus:

My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to

Your dreams stay big

Your worries stay small

You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there getting where you gettin' to

I hope you know somebody loves you

And wants the same things too

Yea this is my wish

There are beautiful pieces of writing that wrap around this chorus and are worth listening to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz32I_GbpeU

Two things here really:

First, Pay attention to those things that come up for you first thing in the morning...those thoughts, songs, tapes, dreams, etc. for you are coming out of sleep which is a time of least resistance and a time when something greater than you can actually access you.  It can be great stuff to guide you (and as a matter of fact, is where most of the stuff I am writing here comes from).

Second, My wish for you is that remember your dreams...big and small.  Not the dreams you have while you sleep but those dreams that you carry in your heart...those dreams of things you want to do, those dreams of what you want to be, etc.  Start writing them down...It is really important.  If you've stopped dreaming in your life...start again.  Where will it take you?

June 21/22, 2008

It's really interesting with the hot weather we're having right now how everyone is getting really creative about staying cool...people are relaxing in air conditioned stores visiting with each other, others are finding their way to the movies to enjoy, some are sitting in the sprinklers in their front yard, others have cool, wet rags draped around their necks to decrease their body temperature.

What if you viewed the "difficult" things that come up as hot weather and simply looked for ways to find relief?  What if instead of creating a whole story around the event that is disrupting your day...what if you took it for what it is and got creative about how you might work with what is?  It's easy for us to think this way when it's about the weather because we can easily reconcile that the weather is out of our control and all we can control is our response.  Well, guess what...most things are out of our control...

A very wise man taught me that the only things I have control over is what I eat, what I wear, where I go, what I think, how I respond, what I do...all else  how others think, feel , respond, act, the weather...etc is out of my control.  So why not spend the energy on how I choose to respond and get creative about it?

Something worth thinking about and trying!  Stay cool!

June 20, 2008

Here is a great quote from the abraham-hicks website today: 

I Am the Creator of My Own Life Experience.

You are the creator of your own life experience, and as the creator of your experience, it is important to understand that it is not by virtue of your action, not by virtue of your doing—it is not even by virtue of what you are saying—that you are creating. You are creating by virtue of the thought that you are offering.

You cannot speak or offer action without thought-vibration occurring at the same time; however, you are often offering a thought-vibration without offering words or action. Children or babies learn to mimic the vibration of the adults who surround them long before they learn to mimic their words.

--- Abraham

If you've ever watched the dog whisperer you've seen this in action too.  I love watching Cesar Milan work.  He literally walks into a home with dog(s) who are exhibiting crazy behavior and without even beginning the "training session" they respond differently to him.  They feel the leadership and the internal power immediately.  You've had experiences like this too...where you walk into a room and you can just feel the energy for ill or gain.  So here is the question...what are you putting out there?  Are you deliberately creating or creating by default...because no matter what; you are putting your energy out there...wouldn't it be nice to do so consciously?

June 19, 2008

Boxes and circles...I woke up today thinking about boxes and circles.  I first considered the idea when I was reading The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert.  She wrote about a man who retreated into the Appalachian Mountains to live a simple life, a life connected to nature.  Word got out about this man and soon schools all over wanted him to speak to their students and teach about nature's way.  He spoke about boxes and circles.

Nature and all of its cycles (and yes, we are a part of nature) flows in circles...cycles of seasons, cycles of the moon, cycles of the plants, cycles of the flow of day to night to day.  This is the way we were meant to be.  Most of us in the western world live our lives in boxes...We wake up in a box, eat from a box, get into a box and drive to our jobs and work in a box, looking at a box...you get the idea.  We use expressions like "don't box me in" yet we box ourselves in everyday.

I remember when I was first reiki trained...I began the daily practice of self treatment.  I started to have powerful dreams that I remembered well.  One night I had this dream of being in a dark hidden room.  There were others there and it was obvious that we were hiding from something...it had the feel of Nazi Germany.  I was in this box and had been there for a very long time balled up, uncomfortable, cramped.  Suddenly, the lid of the box opened and there stood an old woman coaxing me to come out.  She was telling me that with Reiki I could come out of my box.  It was very powerful.

I know on those days when I buy into the box mentality, I feel the stress and strain and pressure of life.  On those days, even when I am tremendously busy, when I can remind myself of the natural flow, the cycles, the circles in our lives, I move with greater ease.  Consider...what boxes have you put yourself in?  How can you honor the natural cycles and rhythms of your days, weeks, months?  Circles and boxes....

June 18,2008

Time is a funny thing...we're all looking for more of it...what if you took time out of the equation?  What if you simply listed 5 things you needed and wanted to do today and gave the rest of it to the universe and then, you stopped thinking about time.

I remember the first time I started doing this...it changed my life!  I found that I was no longer frustrated sitting at stoplights.  I was less short tempered getting out the door in the morning with the kids.  I seemed to get to places on time and without any of the emotional baggage and stress that I seemed to be carrying around before.

Richard Carlson wrote that book years ago called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and I realize now that time is one of the small things (I never believed it before).  We created it.  We are slaves to it and We feel pressured by it so remove it.  Remember there are still places where the concept of time, as we understand it and track it, is unknown.  How does the day flow for these people?  How might your life be different if you put less emphasis on it?

Here's a concrete example of how I made the shift.  In the past I listed my daily activities by time.  I'd estimate how long something would take to do and then when I hit snags (traffic, oops I forgot I needed gas, and the like) I would react and my stress level would shoot through the roof because, of course, I was off schedule and clearly, something bad was going to happen because of it...does this ring a bell?

Now,  I list the FEW things I need/want to do and only put times for those appointment type things.  1:00 Client  4:00 baseball practice.  So today for example:

4:00 baseball practice

Errands (Costco, Embroidery Order All Stars)

Healing H'arts business reconciliation & retreat planning

Hike

Little League Paperwork

Then I give time and anything else I want (Dinner, friends I want to hear from, etc.)  to the universe.  I let it go. What is most amazing is that I find myself seeking out a clock and it is usually right at the time I needed to leave to make an appt. or shift gears to something else.  Try it!  It is one of the best things I've ever done!!!!!!